So as I prepare to pop away the Christmas decorations, with slight disbelief that it’s actually all over, I take a little time to reflect on the year gone by.
Christmas itself has flown by, I actually have had my husband home for a whole week, this in itself is unheard of so had been really nice, I’m sure as many women out there over this period, there has been many a moment thinking of the day everyone goes back and normality resumes, I can’t moan too much though as he tells me, “I have been quite helpful around the house haven’t I? ” he means he has washed the floor, (that has taken two days to dry) and daily he has picked up the hoover and hoovered the lounge. “Yes” I reply “domestic god”
The best thing about this Christmas for all of us was the fact I was up and about, 2015 the pain was that bad that I should probably of been in hospital but wanted to be with everyone, though sadly spent most of it in bed, I think the November 16 lumbar puncture made sure that this Christmas I was relatively on good form! I love Christmas, everything about it from decorating the house, to my Mums amazing Christmas lunch to that feeling in your stomach when you see everyone together, laughing and happy, to me it makes any shitty thing to do with IIH a distant memory.
My oldest daughter however has morphed into what I would call as Kevin the teenager. To everyone else she is sweet and kind, to us she spent from Christmas Day to probably the following Wednesday thinking I’m the worst mother in the world, and her every other sentence was “god everyone is so horrible to me, I haven’t done anything wrong” with the added touch of a grrrr at the beginning or end
And right now as I type, I’m the worst mother in the world because I won’t buy her a bloody floating interactive turtle, she is using my favourite words “it’s in the sale, do you not get it Mummy”, apparently she needs it so it can swim alongside her on the rare occasion that we actually swim, she has now left me whining away about how I don’t understand why she needs this darn turtle 🐢, and has moved onto her Dad, I can hear the conversation and it is similar to the one I have just had only his tone is a tad more cross as he has nearly reached his limits with politeness to her on her millionth time of asking and him saying he is spent out – this is one of the things that happened in 2016 – I realised my beautiful sweet natured kind girl was turning into a young lady.
My 12 year old, 13 this year, left primary school and went to Secondary school in September 2016 as I’m sure like many Mums out there, you could literally see the change in her overnight, she seemed so grown up, mature and a bit more independent and with it came sass and attitude, in some ways I was glad, as she was a very shy timid child who never spoke up for herself out of the house
We couldn’t be more proud of her results from her first term at secondary school or the beautiful girl she is becoming but this Christmas I’m sure hormones have joined in the with the sass to create my mini turtle loving diva, but she really is the most thoughtful, loving girl who I wouldn’t change for the world.
My illness made them grow up faster, both of my girls as you can imagine suffered, because we are generally always together, the 3 of us, my husband works long hours – weekends also, so it’s the three amigos most of the time, my hospital stays can be any length of time from 10 days to 4 days, in small people’s lives that feels like an eternity, I usually know when I need a lumbar puncture, I try to put it off for as long as I can as I know just how much it disrupts their little lives, My oldest will hide her upset for a day or so, pretending she is ok and my smallest will crumble immediately with the worst thoughts running through her head, she needs constant reassurance, then after a day or so the oldest will send me heartbreaking messages of how she needs me home, it’s so hard on them, another reason why I dislike this shitting illness so much. However the support network the girls and my husband have is amazing, we are blessed that the minute I’m not at home they are loved and cared for, they are collected from school, fed, watered, loved! all from my family, close friends.
My girls are either inseparable or need separating there is no in between, my smallest is 9 her smile is infectious, her personality is crazy,she loves playing football for the local girls team, playing minecraft, winding up her sister, and generally being on the go, she is though a real thinker and I tend to hide my symptoms from her, this is because if I mention that my head hurts you can see the fear go across her face, the fear of what it may lead too, no mother wants to see that, 2016 brought a lot of that look to her, this makes me more determined to ensure 2017 is better for them, my husband and I.
2016 was a year of eye appointments, hospital appointments, lumbar punctures, numerous appointments with my Neurologist and GP, it brought sadness and worry to those really close to me, it’s brought actual tears of frustration and fear from my husband 2016 also brought the loss of a son to a family who didn’t deserve such a tragedy – they are have been constantly in my thoughts this Christmas, it brought some of my own family members various illnesses and pain they didn’t deserve.
BUT it wasn’t all bad, 2016 brought me, one of the best adventures of my life- a week of happiness, sunshine and laughter in Kefalonia with my favourite people it has brought me new friendships, friends that are keepers, it has brought me lovely memories made with my parents in Cornwall, it has brought me much happiness with close friends arranging a Charity ball raising money for The Brain and Spine Foundation, The Somerset and Dorset Air Ambulance and Verrington Hospital.
Yes it’s been rollarcoaster but the happy times outweigh the low times, the happy times are the memories we need to keep in the fore front of our minds, when we feel wobbly, nervous, upset, grumpy or think we can’t face another medical procedure, I know I will think of the reasons I have to be thankful and make 2017 another year of happy memories it is after all my last year of being in my 30s.
2017 will bring my whole new eating plan (one for another day) more positivity that I will somehow beat Idiopathic intercranial Hypertension, more happy times with family and friends, a new GP, more hospital appointments which I WILL enter with a more positive attitude.
Thank you to each and every one of you who reads this, and thank you to those who know me who have loved and supported me this past year, I love you all so much.
Happy New Year beautiful people
Big love ASIBTAF ❤️