United we stand – Motherhood

My week started with a trip to the Doctors, as I developed Sinusitis, my god it was so painful, my eyes streamed and the front of my face felt like it would explode, breathing through my nose was a no go, and in turn it seemed to play my head up, so I had the head pain from the sinusitis and my IHH, so following some fab nasal spray and codeine, it’s  finally today I’m feeling loads better but washed out.
Acupunture is going well, the session I had this week we decided against adding the electrodes, as lately the needles have not stayed in and flown out after a few seconds, so to ensure a good session we left it out. I have also got some small individual pads to use on myself every other day, they are good you pop them on the pressure points and every hour or so you gently apply pressure and massage the points on your hands and arms!

All over the country today we celebrate Mother’s Day, I feel truly blessed to have two beautiful daughters, age 12 and 10,  I never knew there could be love like the love I have for them, (they are however currently fighting over minecraft in the background) it some what ruins the ambiance I’m trying to create lol.

Our mother hood journey begins before us woman give birth, pregnancy tinkers with the very structure of our  brain,  After centuries of observing behavioral changes in new mothers, scientists are only recently beginning to definitively link the way a woman acts with what’s happening in their prefrontal cortex, midbrain, parietal lobes, and elsewhere. Grey matter becomes more concentrated. Activity increases in regions that control empathy, anxiety, and social interaction. On the most basic level, these changes, prompted by a flood of hormones during pregnancy and in the postpartum period, help attract a new mother to her baby. In other words, those maternal feelings of overwhelming love, fierce protectiveness, and constant worry (this lasts forever I think) begin with reactions in the brain. (The atlantic.com)  So you’re actually primed to form strong bonds with your child and your child is equally ready to connect with you, and I think you will all agree those bonds are unbreakable,  from the moment I gave birth, I was completely overwhelmed with love for my children, which turned into feeling overwhelmed that this was how much my Mum (and Dad) have loved me, no matter what I did- mood swings, school reports, boyfriend choices, car accidents (sorry) it was just something I couldn’t grasp until I experienced it as a mother myself, only mood swings so far in this household.

My mum is the best mum in the world. She’s my rock and she is without a doubt my superhero but without the cape, I am lucky to be able to say that my mum is my best friend and even though I tell her I love her every day, I still don’t think she quite understands how much she means to me, there is still the strongest bond possible, and always will be.

I know there are times when I open my mouth and my mother comes out,  however, when I think about the prospect of “turning into my mother” my thoughts are more hopeful than full of dread, as in, I hope there’s a chance that I will.

Motherhood makes us laugh, cry, tests our patience, we worry, we get scared, we feel proud, sometimes maybe ashamed, we endure changes to our bodies (10 years on I can’t get away with it’s baby weight lol)  but you know what we are all in this together, united we stand – us mothers we rock – and as the day draws to an end, take a moment to think of those who have lost their mother, those who have loved and lost, those who yearn to be a mother, and the parents who are both the mother and father  – We are all amazing remember totally amazing.

On a personal note I would like to thank the gorgeous women in my both of my girls lives who love, care and cherish them – we love you all today and every day.

Loads of ❤️ ASIBTAF 

Not all disabilities are visable…

Sorry I have been quiet… two words that don’t usually go together – Kirsty and Quiet lol, have had lots going on, trying to sort various things that life seems to be throwing at me.

Today I had to take my eldest daughter to an appointment near Southampton, having been there before, I hoped I would park nearby as I had done previously my head (Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension)has been playing up yesterday and again today,  I won’t lie I’m shattered both physically and mentally.

Mum, Maisy and I get to the destination, pull up and park in the parking space which is on a road, with boxes provided so you know where to park, I put my blue badge in the window, get out of the car, walk a few steps and hear a voice shouting,

Is that a blue badge in the window?

All three of us turn around to see a man approximately in his 60s stood by the car,

I reply ‘yes it is’
He then looks at the three of us with disgust and says ‘ So which one of you exactly is the disabled one?’

Me like a startled schoolgirl – put my hand in the air and said ‘me’ he shakes his head at me with disbelief, in my head I act out the scenario of me screaming at him ‘sorry what is  your problem is it because I appear to have all my limbs or is it because I’m not in a wheelchair, do tell me why you feel the need to question and shout at us like we are committing a crime’ but of course I don’t I stand there with my hand in the air humiliated, red faced, at this point though this is where  my trusty side kick /lifetime protector steps in – Mum – she politely but firmly asks if he would like to see the badge and the photo, he just looks crossly at us and gestures to wave us on, she looks ready to explode.

Whilst this has been going on, another gentleman has witnessed all of this and kindly steps in, he shouts from across the road ‘excuse me sir, it’s a parking space anyone can park there, and it’s none of your business what is wrong with her, the  rude  man disappears and the kind gentleman shakes his head, apologising for the behaviour of the other man, ‘I can’t believe I just watched that, or that it happened!.  Mum thanked him for his kindness and we went on to the appointment.

The sad thing is this does happen, for me that was the second time, the first time was in a supermarket car park, an elderly lady was really angry with me, I was on my own, had just pulled into the space and she banged on the window shouting at me to let her look at the photo on the back of the badge, telling me I looked perfectly normal and to move as she needed to get to an appointment.

I may be nearly 40, I may look ok bar the eye bags, but not all disabilities are what you look like, how you act, or how you walk , and anyone who knows me well knows that I wouldn’t use that badge unless I really really had too, but to the person who shouted at me/us today, you will never how much you offend me, how your words echo in my head,  how you make me dread putting my badge on the dash board,  If you knew what I actually went through to have the badge, how embarrassed I felt at the assessment I had to attend, you might of thought before you shouted and disbelieved me, I hope you may think again before you shout at someone else!

This happens to so many people all over the country, and it shouldn’t,  our disabilities are all individual to us, and it’s so sad.

I feel let down by some of our society today , that my daughter who I teach to respect her elders, care for others had to witness that, but what I do know is she will grow up with the realisation that we are all different, disabilities come in all shapes and forms and she will hopefully  never judge.

It wasn’t the first time it happened, and I’m sure it won’t be the last – but let’s spread the word :-

Not all disabilities are visable ❤

Have a lovely week

ASIBTAF 🙏🏻

How do we beat the bullies?

I don’t think anything prepares us for seeing our child/children struggle with life, watching them become a shadow of their former self, their kind, loving, giggly nature transform into a child who looks petrified at the mere mention of school, whose temper has appeared from no where because she cannot control her emotions, a child who cannot bear to leave your side because you are her safety, the child who won’t sleep alone in her room because she can’t sleep and is frightened of her thoughts going over and over in her head, the child who is your whole world and you just don’t know how to fix it, well this has been my life the past few months, and no nothing prepared me for it, it literally had been the worst thing that could happen, I would have my IIH ten times worse if it meant her worries would go away.

Whenever anything happens to your children, you immediately want to fix it, to make the issues stop, to make them smile again.

It all began when when we noticed that our daughter was becoming withdrawn – not talking, (she was quiet anyway so this meant she was really quiet), she distanced herself from us all,  there were changes in behaviour – becoming aggressive, not able to control how she spoke to us,  she was sleeping badly, up and down through the night,  complaining of headaches or stomach aches every day before school, and as she became more and more unhappy, she would beg not to go to School, and I mean literally beg to point where I would want to just scoop her up, and tell her everything would be ok and keep her home with me.

I didn’t but I wanted too.

I remember saying to my Mum, and to her god mother that her behaviour had changed, and if this is what the teenage hormones were like then god knows how I would cope  during the next 5 years – if only it had just been hormones – I may have been able to deal with it better than her being bullied.

Bullying is a problem that can derail a child’s schooling, social life, and emotional well-being 

Everyone wants to believe that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” but for some children and teenagers, even us adults – that’s not true. Words can be just as harmful, or even more so, than physical abuse.  My daughter has always been uber sensitive, and a worrier, it didn’t usually hold her back but she doesn’t have the confidence of her younger sister, and I know she wished she was a bit more outgoing – I think she just wanted to fit in and friendship meant a lot her.

Bullying is a behaviour that includes a whole range of actions that cause physical or emotional pain, from spreading rumours, to intentional exclusion which was a massive factor in my daughters school life, people that were her friends completely ignoring her, walking or running away from her, turning away rather than speak to her and yes she suffered physical abuse. 
It may be subtle and many children don’t tell their parents or teachers about it out of fear of shame or retribution, she didn’t tell me she had been slapped for a few days because I’d been in hospital and she didn’t want me to have to go back in as she was scared,  thinking that would make me more unwell,  this however just made matters worse for her, and actually me, I received a a text myself that wasn’t pleasant from a girls mother ending our friendship  because her child had been questioned for the incident, and I hadn’t gone to her first.

Children may also fear they won’t be taken seriously if they report being bullied. It’s important that parents, teachers, and other adults constantly look for bullying behaviours.  From power struggles to conflicting impulses, hormones  and strong emotions, girls really do have a lot to deal with. 

We all know girls may bicker, from time to time, it’s part of the growing up, teenagers are on their apprenticeship to adulthood not wanting to be take responsibility for their actions but still wanting to find their way – how can we help them, this is happening all over the country Children as unhappy as my daughter, some who have sadly ended their lives because they were badly bullied, destroyed, not wanting to live, some suffering in silence.  My daughter talked to me openly – the whole experience nearly broke her – it tormented me taking her to School, me her Mother taking her to an environment she couldn’t bear, she would cry before School, I would cry after dropping her off, every day I would wonder what sort of Mother I was  – putting her into a situation that was actually destroying her, the final staw for me was her becoming really unwell and in pain – possibly caused by the stress, I had to ring an ambulance who came in took one look at her, popped her on a stretcher and took her to A and E, as she lay in the ambulance, crying, the  blue light shining through onto her little head, I wondered how on earth had it come to this and right there and then I knew I wouldn’t stand for it anymore – some might say I have let them win by moving my daughter to another School, I tried the stick it out, it might get better method – it didnt and neither did she.

I personally think  there needs to be more input into relationships from us as parents and schools as early as Primary school looking  into relationships and how cruel words or  silences can damage children. We as parents need to take time to discuss with our children how to manage thoughts and feelings and how to cherish friendships. There has been within my youngest child’s primary school lots of talk about Social Media and I’m glad – this is one of the biggest threats in our children’s Society – even a child’s Instagram Bio can cause such hurt and upset, offending intentionally or unintentionally by not adding a friends name or by being there then being removed, The Snap Chat bullying game, Facebook bullying –  its all out there ( I hate it and wish rules were stricter for our children)
Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield have launched This Morning’s Be Kind anti-bullying Campaign to help save the lives of young victims.

As part of ‘This Morning’s Be Kind’ campaign we want you to watch this video. You’ll hear from two mums whose children took their own lives as a result of the bullying they experienced. Then hit the pledge button. Pledge to watch this video with your children. Pledge to help your children know they can ask for help, for them to know someone cares and for them to know how important it is to BE KIND.

http://www.itv.com/thismorning/hot-topics/pledge-to-share-our-anti-bullying-message
I have done this with both of my girls, perhaps we could all share this around.

My daughter is slowly regaining her life back and her sense of humour – thank goodness!!! I am blessed that she confided in me even if it wasn’t straight away,  she is no saint I am certainly not blinkered,  she can be grumpy, moany, teenagery  12 year old but she is my daughter, and someone said to me just this week you are ‘only as happy as your least happy child’, this is so true and when this happens we work tirelessly to get life back to normality again.

It’s not a question of happiness or sadness, but a journey of life lessons that we gently guide them through the best we can.
❤ ASIBTAF xx